


Desperate Cravings

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1659641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was surprised the first time she showed up at his apartment. By the third time it seemed to have become normal. But how long would it take before he admitted that he had gone and fallen in love with her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She had shown up at his apartment two nights after JJ and Will had gotten married, looking for all the world like a lost little girl. Which made no sense, given that she had a good five years on him, give or take. But she was crying piteously, and he could never let a woman cry in front of him without offering her comfort. Wordlessly, he opened his arms, and she stepped into them, letting him hug her senseless. "I thought you were spending a few days with Rossi," he murmured in her ear as he led her into his living room.

"So did I," Strauss whispered brokenly, before her tears obscured her words once more. Somehow, he got them to sit down on the couch, and she curled up into him. "I knew that you wouldn't turn me away. Despite how much you hate me, I knew."

"I don't hate you, darlin'," he drawled lowly, and she laughed mirthlessly. "What? I don't. You amaze me, frustrate me, upset me, sure. But hate? Never." He was surprised when she nuzzled her face into his chest and then he was stroking her hair lightly, comforting her like he would Penelope, if she had come to him crying in the middle of the night.

"I want a glass of wine so badly right now."

Her frank statement caught him off-guard. Derek knew about her fight with alcohol, had been the one to pack her off to rehab, but somehow he had pushed the fact that it would be a constant fight for her to the back of his mind. "Is that why you came to me?"

She nodded. "I also knew that you wouldn't let me slip. Somehow, I just knew." Strauss gave in to her tears once more, and he felt them wet his chest, finally soaking through his shirt. Wordlessly, he ran his hand down from her hair to her back, rubbing in gentle circles.

"Do you want to talk about why you're craving?"

She shrugged before burrowing in closer to him. "I was stupid and thought a weekend fling was the promise of something more. I wanted it to be something more. He didn't. I went to surprise him tonight, and he surprised me by having that young snip of a girl – Alison?"

He knew she was talking about Seaver, and he sighed deeply. "Ashley."

"Ah, yes, Ashley. Anyway, she was fucking him, riding him like her life depended on. And then he caught my eye and winked before motioning me to join them. In that first moment, I wanted to claw both their fucking eyes out. And then, the cravings hit, so I came here."

He was a bit shocked at her vulgar language, but then he smiled. Typical Strauss, wanting to lash out at those who had hurt her, and yet, in that case, she was more than in the right. "I would have at least slapped him."

"What would the point of that have been? It's not like we were exclusive. We just spent two days in a hotel room screwing like rabbits in between his silly cigar panels." She hiccupped loudly, and then moved so that her head rested over his heart. "Alan left me, you know. Couldn't handle my trip to rehab. The kids went with him, couldn't wait to be rid of their bitch of a mother. And then, for one brief, shining, moment, I thought I had an opportunity to move on, to become something more. I guess I wasn't meant for that."

"Oh, Erin," he breathed out, feeling his heart break for her in that moment. "Someday, you're going to find that one who loves you and won't desert you. I promise."

"You shouldn't make promises you have no way of keeping, Derek," she said softly, tightening her grip on his shirt as she drew in a deep, shaky, breath. "I'll be fifty in September, after all. Bitter, past my prime, so moody that no one would want me. I just have to get used to that."

Once more, her words tore at his heart, and he wished that he could make her see that they were the furthest thing from the truth. "No, you don't." She just shrugged against his chest, and he tightened his arms around her, wanting to comfort her in his own small way. "You, like everyone else, was made to find that special one, just for you. Momma always told me that, to keep searching until you find that special one."

"And you've found yours in Penelope Garcia," she said wistfully. "The two of you really do make a handsome couple."

"And we're the best of friends, nothing more."

"Oh." Her voice was small, and then she nuzzled her face into his chest once more, yawning widely. "I guess I'm a little tired. I should probably go now, the craving has passed."

He shook his head. "No, you'd better stay the night. After the crying jag you just had, I wouldn't trust you on the road." She began to protest, but he pressed a single finger against her lips, stilling her words. "You take my bed, I'll sleep here on the sofa."

Finally, she nodded her assent, pressing her lips against his finger. Derek was certain it was a purely involuntary reaction, but it still caused desire to pool in his groin. Erin had to have noticed, since she sat up a little, pulling away from him. "I'll have to borrow one of your t-shirts, then. I cannot sleep in my clothes, since I have to drive home in the morning."

"Of course, Erin. Just follow me, then." He gently helped her to stand, and she wobbled a bit before gaining her balance, resting her hand on his arm. It burned, literally burned, where she touched him, and he wondered what sort of sorceress she was to weave a spell around him so quickly. And then she was looking up at him, her lashes spiky from her tears, her eyes darkened to a deep sapphire, and he felt his breath sucked from his lungs. "Beautiful," he murmured, and she blushed, not looking away from him, even as he lowered his lips to cover hers.

It was a soft kiss, and he loved the feel of her thin lips touching his. She groaned slightly, returning the kiss before pulling away from him. "Your bedroom, please. I'm rather tired." She was blushing even redder, and he knew the request was not for him to join her. Rather, she was ready to sleep, to block out what had happened to her that night.

"Whatever my princess wants," he replied, clasping her hand as he began to lead her to his room. She shook her head, reaching over to smack his arm lightly at his teasing tone. He loved the fact that she reacted just like his Baby Girl would have and he tightened his hand around hers. "All right, fine, my queen."

"Quit teasing, Agent Morgan."

"I like it better when you call me Derek. It sounds better rolling off your tongue than Agent Morgan." She sighed a little, finally nodding as he turned them into his bedroom. "Take a seat on the bed while I pull out something for you to wear."

"All right." She sank down, hugging her knees close to her chest, watching him intently as he dug through his drawers to find a shirt for her. It was a cool night for May, so he pulled out a long sleeved FBI shirt, one he usually used for going on runs with Clooney in the fall. He also took out a pair of pajama pants, hoping she could pull the drawstring tight enough to hold them up. "Thank you," she murmured absently, taking the clothes from his hands.

"You are more than welcome," he replied, bending down to kiss the top of her head. She let out another heart wrenching sigh, and he knelt to enfold her in a tight hug. He knew that was the best thing to help a broken heart, having held Penelope the night after she had broken things off with Kevin. Slowly, she released her legs and embraced him back, breathing in deeply. "Sleep tight, pretty lady."

"I'll try." She let go of him and stood up, her fingers fiddling with the top button on her blouse. "Thank you for taking me in tonight," she said as she slipped that first button from its hole. Morgan nodded once more before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Clooney whined at him, going to the closed bedroom door and scratching a little. "Sorry, not tonight, boy. She needs her privacy, so it's the couch for both of us," he said as he rubbed the top of his dog's head.

The bedroom door cracked open a little, and she peeked out. "Uh, Derek, does Penelope keep…"

"The bottom left-hand drawer in the bathroom," he answered, hoping she wasn't half as embarrassed as he felt. He heard her scurry across the hall into the bathroom and settled on the couch, stretching out and trying to get comfortable. He had just about fallen asleep when he felt someone drape a blanket over him, making certain he was covered up.

Soft lips pressed against his forehead. "Sleep well, Derek," were the last words he heard before sleep overtook him.


	2. Chapter 2

A month later, they still had not spoken of the night she spent with him. She smiled at him more often, it was true, but not so much that anyone else would pick up on it. And he had begun to look for her in the hallways, in the elevator, anywhere they could possibly cross paths. She seemed to pick up on that, and had begun to walk the hallways more often, offering him tantalizing glimpses of her.

"Hey, Hot Stuff, who is running through that delicious brain of yours?" Garcia asked as she came up to him, wrapping her arm around his waist.

Derek smiled down at her tiredly. "No one, Baby Girl. I just want to get out of here and sleep this case away. It was really rough, you know?" She nodded against his arm, her fingers kneading softly into his upper arm.

"Why don't you head home, then? I know it was rough on all of us, our first case without Emily and the victims looking so much like her. I'll convince Hotch to let the rest of you go, too."

He let out a long breath, his eyes finally meeting Erin's in the hall. She seemed sad that day, the small smile she gave him never quite reaching her eyes, and he felt all his feelings reflected there. His hand twitched up and she shrugged, turning suddenly and scurrying back to her office. "That sounds like heaven , Penelope."

"What are you waiting for? Go." She gently pushed him towards the door and he made his way to his office, picking up his bag before heading out to the elevators. Derek tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the car to make its arrival, and soon, Dave was joining him.

"Once Hotch gave the order, I was out the door. It will be nice to have an afternoon off."

"Why, planning on spending it in Seaver?" he asked snidely, and the older man narrowed his eyes as he turned to look at him. "What? Didn't think some of us would find out? She still talks to Reid, a lot."

"She's on an undercover assignment at the moment. She won't be home for another week or longer."

"Oh, so your place is home now. Nice." He pursed his lips, no longer wanting to speak to the man, quickly losing respect for him at his callous treatment of… He broke off his line of thought, not wanting to admit that he had been about to think of her as his Erin. Which was ridiculous, she was nothing more than a colleague who had turned to him in a moment of need.

In a daze, he drove home, trying not to think of the elephant in the room. It was a losing battle, however, and he found himself running through the times they had met gazes in the hallway, the particular way she had started smiling at him. "Penelope would say that I had it bad," he murmured aloud as he pulled into his parking spot.

Clooney was barking for him the moment he heard the key in the lock and Derek grinned, clipping on his leash and heading out for a walk around the block to clear his head. When he returned, he was only semi-surprised to see her standing outside his door. She was pacing back and forth, as if trying to convince herself that this was a good idea. "Hey, pretty lady, what brings you by?"

She met his eye, hers red-rimmed from crying. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and she stepped into them, resting her head on his chest as his arms closed around her slim frame. "You left early. This case really got to you, too."

"Too?" he asked as he unlocked his door, leading her inside. She nodded as they went over to the couch and sat. "What do you mean?"

"Ever since Milwaukee, I force myself to review everything about your cases. The crime scene photos you're sent, the descriptions of what happens to the victims, everything. After all these years, I still haven't developed a tough enough skin."

He looked down at her and she shrugged a little, her lips pursed tightly, like she was trying to keep from crying. "It's no wonder you developed a drinking problem."

"No, the pictures and everything only exacerbated a problem that I already had, Derek. I should have been stronger, I know the job you do. It just doesn't seem to get to you all as much as it does to me, so I must be weak."

He pulled her close to his chest once more, rubbing her back in soft circles. "Erin Strauss, you are not weak. You were just never given the tools to handle what we do. That's part of the classes we take, finding a coping mechanism that works for us. I do manual labor, flipping houses and apartments for a profit. Penelope has her group that she leads. I've heard rumors that Reid likes to translate obscure French and German texts into English, but I can't be certain about that one."

Derek heard a faint laugh bubble up out of her and he joined with her. "That seems like a perfectly Reid thing to do," she said lowly, making herself more comfortable in his arms. "I'm sorry that I keep turning to you like this. It's just, I have no one I feel comfortable talking to right now. I haven't been able to open myself up."

"I understand, Erin. Everyone needs to have one person in their life that they're totally honest with, can tell anything to. I'm just surprised that it's me."

"Why wouldn't it be you? You've always made me proud…" Her voice trailed off, as if she knew that she had revealed something very personal about herself to him. "I'm glad it was you, you know, who took me to rehab. If Aaron had done that, I would never have forgiven him."

"Yes, well, you reminded me of Reid. Couldn't turn anywhere for help, thinking you had to keep it to yourself. You were the one that said in what world would this ever be all right. Reid told me something along those very lines after he had been found out. And yet, everything is all right, now, isn't it?"

She shook her head. "No, but things are better now. I like better."

He nodded, shifting her a little so that her head rested on his chest. "I like that you smile at me, Erin."

She nuzzled her face into his shirt, and he knew that she was buying time, trying to think up something to excuse her behavior. "Yes, well, you rescued me that night. My heart may have softened a bit."

The honesty surprised him, and he cuddled her close. Her arms tightened around his waist as she sighed. "I rather like that soft heart of yours, my queen."

"You don't have to tease me, Derek. I'm not exactly your best friend."

"No, but you are a friend." He dipped his head down to press his lips against the top of hers, breathing in the subtle scent of sandalwood. He couldn't seem to stop the reaction his body had to her and he shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to hurt or embarrass her.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if we took care of your needs," she mumbled, her voice coming out broken and lost.

"No, Erin. One doesn't use their friends like that. I'm not Dave, I wouldn't hurt you that way." She turned in his arms, raising her head to capture his lips in a soft kiss. "What was that for?"

"For being so sweet. You really are a good man, Derek Morgan. I wish I had met someone like you earlier in my life. I think I could be happy with someone like you." She stretched out along him, resting her head on his chest once more as she yawned deeply. "Maybe not happy so much as content," she said as she relaxed against him. He could tell that she had fallen asleep on him by the way her body pressed against his and he smiled as he began to run his fingers through her hair.

"Oh, Erin," he whispered, picking her up and carrying her to his bedroom. Clooney jumped on the bed, curling up around her feet, looking up at him expectantly. "Oh, no, boy. It is your job to watch over her while she naps. Okay?"

His pet gave a soft woof in reply and Derek left the room, knowing that she was safe there. Going over to his couch, he plopped down and pulled out his phone, calling Penelope. "What's up, Sugar?"

"Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice, beautiful. You're still stuck at work, aren't you?"

"Yeah, a computer tech's work is never finished. Hotch decided to stay, too, at least for a little bit. Strangest thing, though. Strauss left not long after you did."

Derek heard the suggestion in her voice, and knew he had to nip that in the bud before she began a rumor about them in the bullpen. "Really? Wonder what bug got into her, she never takes off early."

"I have no idea, sweetness. Maybe she had to get away from everything for a little bit. I totally understand that. I wish she would open up to us more."

"I think she would like that, Baby Girl. Maybe it was high time we started treating her with respect and caring." He wondered a little at the words that were tumbling from his lips, and yet he knew every one of them to be true.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late the next night she came to him, standing on his stoop. He threw on the light, feeling cranky and snappish until he looked at her face. She had been crying again, and in her hand was a bottle of rum. "Come inside, Queenie," he said lowly, ushering her in and leading her over to the couch. "Did you…"

"No, it's still sealed. Will you please take it and dump it down the drain before I break down further and try to drink it?"

He nodded and took the bottle from her, quickly making his way into the kitchen and pouring the alcohol out before returning to her. "What is it tonight, darlin'?"

"My birthday. No one remembered, not even my children. I'm so lonely, Derek." He filed away the date of her birth – July seventeenth – before cuddling her close to his heart. Her tears dampened his shirt and he rubbed her back, whispering lowly in her ear about how she was wanted, cared for, and soon, her tears stopped.

"What would you like tonight, Queenie?" he asked, bringing his lips close to her ear as he breathed out those words.

She shivered and stretched out her hand on his chest. "I want to be held. I want to feel someone's skin against mine, to be enveloped in warmth, even if it is an illusion. I need an illusion of happiness tonight. But I cannot ask that of you, Derek. It would be inappropriate of me, and…"

"No one needs to know. I'm good at keeping a secret, and I'm sure you are, too. If that is what makes you feel better tonight, I am more than willing to be that warm body against yours." Standing, he gently tugged her up against him, pulling her close to him. He breathed in the scent of her perfume, hoping she would relax against him, let him in. "What do you say?"

"Yes," she breathed out, entwining her fingers with his, letting him lead her to his bedroom. Derek flipped on the light, but he was surprised when she went over to the window and pulled the shade tight, blocking out the soft light of the moon. "Turn around, please. Or turn off the light. You don't have to see me."

"Doesn't a lover watch his beloved disrobe?"

Erin blushed a bright red. "Well, yes, but we're just pretending. Aren't we?"

"To keep the illusion real, don't we have to go through the motions? Trying to skip over something would just make it seem fake and cheap. I do not want this to be cheap, my lovely queen." She smiled at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I'll even begin."

Derek pulled his t-shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor. She stared at him, her eyes raking over his chest and down to the buckle of his belt. It was hard to keep from being aroused at her interest, and he shifted himself as he undid the belt and his jeans, pushing them down to the floor, leaving his boxers in place.

"My turn, then, I guess." She fumbled with the buttons on her blouse, and he watched the smooth skin of her chest slowly become visible. Her bra was frilly and lacy, something that surprised him. He had expected to see plain, pale, fabric covering her breasts. She shrugged the blouse off her shoulders, letting it pool around her waist, still tucked in her skirt. As she stepped out of her shoes, losing several inches to him, she reached behind her back to unclasp the bra, letting it slip down her body to join his shirt on the floor.

Under his gaze, her nipples pebbled into hard points and she quickly crossed then uncrossed her arms across her chest. "You're beautiful," he whispered as he took a tiny step towards her. Blushing, she unzipped her skirt and let the clothes come to rest at her feet, a matching pair of panties all that covered her skin. "May I hold you now?"

"Yes." He nodded and closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. She was cool to the touch, like she had been sculpted from marble, soft, living, marble. Her hands splayed out against his back as she nuzzled her cheek into his chest. "You're so hard, strong. Like a tree." And then she turned her face and pressed her lips against his heart.

Derek let out a soft breath as he maneuvered them over to his bed, slowly drawing her down with him. Erin stretched out along his body, her breasts flattening against his chest as she pressed herself ever closer to him. "You can't disappear into me, darlin', no matter how hard you try. It doesn't quite work that way."

"I know," she said lowly. "But I love feeling you here with me. I've missed contact like this." Again, she pressed her lips to his chest and then she yawned. "This may go down as the worst birthday I've ever had."

"Even now that you're here in my arms?"

"Well, no. That's the best part of this evening." He knew when she began to cry, since he could feel the tears fall against his chest. Derek began to rub her back in gentle sweeping motions. "I still remember my favorite birthday."

"Tell me about it, my queen."

She laughed a little. "I really wish you wouldn't call me that. I don't mind darling, but the other implies something that I'm not willing to have with anyone at the moment. Even though I am lying here, almost naked, in your arms."

"I can do that, darlin'." He kissed the top of her head and she squirmed around a little trying to get in a more comfortable position. "Now tell me about your favorite birthday."

"Alan and I had just gotten married about four months before and to celebrate my special day, he brought home a gorgeous cream pearl pendant."

"Really? Jewelry is what made it the best birthday ever?"

Erin smacked his arm as she shook her head. "No, Derek. That was the first part of his gift. The second was the positive pregnancy tests. I was so very, very, happy that evening. They didn't even email me, you know. Nothing."

She began to sob and he stopped stroking her back to hold her tightly to his chest. "I have no idea what that feels like, Erin. I can't say I know what you're going through. But I'm here, and I won't let you go. Happy birthday." He went to kiss the crown on her head once more, only to encounter her lips. He groaned a little as she deepened the kiss, her hands skimming down his back to rest on his hips.

"Derek, I miss them so badly. Kiss me again? Erase the pain, please."

He sighed. "I don't think that I can do that, darlin'. We wouldn't respect each other in the morning, and somehow, I really want you to respect me. Another kiss might lead to something more, and…"

"I wish I had fallen in love with a man like you," Erin blurted out, blindly pressing her lips to his, as if throwing caution to the wind.

It took everything in his being to gently push her away and look into her blue eyes, still swimming with tears. "There's still time to find a guy like me out there." Even as he said those words, he felt his heart clench, as if he was throwing away a golden opportunity at happiness. Which made no sense, since she was his boss, she held the fate of his career in her hands.

"I don't think there is another man like you. And I can't let myself fall in love with you. Dave was too close, you know? So I'll only have tonight." She brought his hand up to her breast, closing his fingers around the soft, warm, globe. "I want this?"

"Oh, my darlin' queen, no, you will regret this in the morning, trying to trade one craving for another. I will hold you tonight, okay?"

Erin shrugged, her eyes clouding over with pain. "I guess." He absently stroked his finger over her nipple, feeling it tighten even further. A soft whimper escaped from her throat and she arched into him. "You want this."

"Yeah, I do, Erin. I'm not going to lie about that. But you deserve something special, something more. If, when we wake up, you still want me to make love to you, I will. I want you to be thinking clearly when you make that decision."

She sighed softly, nuzzling her cheek against his upper arm. "Thank you," she whispered before flipping onto her other side, scooting back against him until the only thing that separated them was the thin barrier of their underwear. "Good night, Derek."

"Good night, Erin." She yawned and then brought his hand up to her breast once more, encouraging him to touch her as they slept. Derek found he couldn't say no to this invitation, and he closed his hand around the firm flesh, smiling as he let sleep claim him.


	4. Chapter 4

She had been gone when he woke up the morning after her birthday. When he got out of bed, he found his clothes folded neatly, a note on top of them. _Derek, you were right. I just needed to be held, to refill that hole in my heart, not my body. Thank you for giving me that. Your darling Erin_

He had kept the note, and the bra she had forgotten, hoping there would come a time when she would turn to him once more. And two weeks later, his hopes were rewarded when a soft knocking came at his door. "Good evening, Erin," he said with a smile as she stepped inside the room.

"Good evening, Derek." Once the door was closed, she wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I have to send you to London for a few weeks. Ms. Garcia is going with you, but, well, I know you don't like being told what to do."

He drew in a deep breath, guiding her over to the couch. They sat together, and he pulled her close to his chest, rubbing her back softly. "London, huh? Will I get to meet the Queen?"

She shrugged. "Probably not. You're going to be working in conjunction with Interpol, so you'll get to see Emily a lot. If I remember rightly, you and she were quite close before she left us."

Her words were soft, quiet, and he could hear the small undertone of pain there. "I thought we were falling in love, yes. But then she couldn't stick around, couldn't put the commitment into a relationship. Sometimes your heart settles on a lot of wrong people before it finds the completely right person." She nodded slightly, her hands curling into his shirt as he bent his head and kissed the crown of her head.

"Derek, my heart might be settling." He held his breath, waiting to see if she would say more. "I'm really scared, and I don't want to be rejected. I don't think my heart could take another rejection. And I really like you, more than I thought would ever be possible. It's why I keep turning to you."

Erin broke off her words, breathing in deeply. "I like you, too, Erin. Like you, I never expected this to deepen into something more." Gently, he lifted her chin so that she would look at him. "May I kiss you?"

"Of course you may," she replied, her eyes tearing up the longer she looked at him. Slowly, Derek let his lips cover hers, his tongue teasing the seam of her mouth. She opened her mouth and he dueled with her tongue, tasting her. "Oh, Derek," she breathed out, staring into his eyes as she broke the kiss.

"How long do you think I'll be gone for?" he asked, reaching up to stroke her hair, pushing it back from her face so that he could look into her eyes.

"Three weeks. I won't be able to see your face for twenty one long days." She framed his face with her hands, her eyes roving over his features. "We'll only have this one moment. Would you please make love to me tonight?"

He listened to her words, what she was asking for. Love, not sex, like she already knew her feelings for him ran deeper than she could admit. He threaded his fingers in her hair as he smiled gently at her. "I will do that, darlin'. Follow me."

Erin nodded hesitantly, as if she was unsure about making this decision, and he tugged gently on her hair, trying to get her to smile at him. Finally, a tiny wisp of a smile skirted across her face and he nodded before leaning in to kiss her once more.

She seemed to melt into the soft touch of his lips, her body pressing firmly against his. When he finally pulled his lips away from hers, she was breathing heavily, tears falling down her cheeks. "They'll know, Derek. I won't be able to hide my feelings."

"Yes, you will, darlin'. All you'll have to do is think of me, smile that enchanting smile of yours, and carry on." He leaned in and kissed her again. "That smile of yours is enough to drive a man wild."

She laughed nervously, spreading her hand out across his chest, playing with the fabric of his shirt. "So is your smile, Derek." Erin tugged at the hem of the shirt, pulling it up and over his head only to throw it to the side. "And you're so strong, like a rock."

"Before, I was a tree."

"That, too." Leaning in, she pressed her lips against his chest and then sighed deeply. "Do you ever tire of protecting everyone?"  
"No, darlin'. I want to protect the ones I love." He felt her stiffen a little, and he gently rubbed her back until she relaxed once more. "May I take off your blouse?"

Erin nodded and stepped back a little, her arms resting by her sides. He looked into her eyes and saw nothing but trust and desire there, and he smiled, reaching up to start pushing the buttons from their holes. Her eyes fluttered closed as the backs of his hands brushed against the sweet swell of her breasts, a gentle smile spreading across her lips. "That feels wonderful, Derek. I, I think I'm going to like slow and soft with you."

He chuckled a little, and she arched an eyebrow at him. "Hey, hey, none of that now. I know that I'm going to like slow and soft with you. Because that's what you deserve, Erin." He finished unbuttoning her blouse and pushed it off her shoulders, letting it fall around her hips. "Your breasts look amazing in that bra, Erin. Did you plan on wearing lilac lace for me tonight?"

She nodded, her smile turning shy. "I seem to remember that you once told Penelope that purple was your favorite color. I remember the weirdest thing about people, and I've always associated that with you."

Leaning in, he captured her lips in a firm kiss, his hands reaching behind her to unclasp her bra, tugging it from her body. As they continued to kiss, he felt her tug the t-shirt from his jeans and then up around his shoulders. Breaking the embrace, they panted a little as they shimmied out of the rest of their clothes, letting them pool on the floor. "And I will always associate sandalwood with you."

A sigh slipped from her lips as she tugged him over to the bed, taking a seat on the mattress and staring up at him. "I'm glad there's something about me that's favorable."

"And now I know how I'm going to be spending the rest of our relationship. Telling you all the little things and big things that are favorable about you. Tonight was sandalwood. You'll have to wait until I return to find out the next thing I favor in you."

Her eyes glistened with tears as she held her arms up to him. Taking the hint, he leaned down into the embrace, and she pulled him down atop her, onto the bed. Her eyes were a stormy grey as she looked up at him, and he wondered what was going on in her head. "Make me yours? I don't really need much build up, I just want to know that you want me."

"Well, if you want to know that, you're going to have to humor me, because I'm a shower, Erin." Leaning in, he kissed the tip of her nose and she giggled softly. Bypassing her lips, he kissed her chin before nipping at it softly, taking care to not leave a mark that she would have to explain in the office the next morning.

As he trailed kisses down her neck, he gently parted her legs and rubbed his thumb along her vulva. Erin strained against his hand, and he smiled to feel how wet she was already, knowing then that they were at the very least extremely compatible in bed. He wanted to lavish attention on her breasts, to suckle her, but she was wrapping a leg around his hips, drawing him down on top of her in obvious want and need. "Please, Derek. Make me yours. Even if we only have this brief moment in time, I want to know that you loved me once."

Derek nodded and slowly slid into her, letting her body stretch to accommodate him. He listened to the way her breath hissed out through her nose as she spread her legs a little wider, giving him better access to her. And then, he was setting a slow, extravagant rhythm for them, wanting to take his time with his lover. His love.

That thought shocked him, but he continued on with his lovemaking, not wanting her fragile emotions to read something in his pausing. Their eyes met, and he smiled when he saw his love reflected back at him in her eyes. "Oh, I don't think that I could only love you once, darlin'. I'm going to need time after time. And even then, that might not be enough," he murmured lowly, fighting the urge to speed things up.

"Then I'm not wrong to so desperately crave you," she whispered harshly before capturing his lips in rough, hungry, kiss. As she devoured his mouth, she began to twist her hips demandingly, encouraging him to take things to their natural conclusion. They both came minutes later, and he panted in her ear as he pulled the sheets up over their bodies, his free hand stroking her hair as she smiled up at him, love still evident in her eyes. "I hope to God that this memory lasts me twenty one days."

"I hope so, too, darlin'. But you are always free to call me." She nodded before sighing deeply, snuggling close to him as her eyes fluttered closed, peace settling over her features as she drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek couldn't help but mope a bit as their fourth day in London seemed to drag by. An unwarranted sigh escaped his lips, causing Emily to glance up at him, a pensive look on her face. "What, did you leave some little honey back home, waiting for your call?" she teased, a puckish smile on her face.

He shrugged, not certain that he wanted to share his current relationship status with her. After all, Erin and she hadn't left things on the best footing. "Maybe. I think I've found the one, Emily. And she stole up on me so suddenly, that I never expected things to take this turn."

His friend leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs on her desk as she stared at him. "Why, Derek Morgan, I do declare. Are you in love? Has some woman finally managed to snag your heart and put her lock on it?"

He felt a warm blush stain his cheeks as he looked away from her, trying to think of something to say that would get him out of this pickle he suddenly found himself in. "Der, why are you blushing?" Penelope asked as she sashayed into Emily's office, a mischievous grin curling her lips up. Plopping down on the corner of Emily's desk, she looked between the two of them. "Ooh, did I interrupt you declaring your undying love and affection for our sweet Emily here? Did I?"

Derek groaned as he shook his head, burying his face in his hand as his shoulders slumped. This was bad, now his best friend knew that there were emotions flowing through him that he didn't want to share with the world at large just yet. "No, I was not declaring my love for Emily. We're just good friends. She gets me." He heard Penelope humph a little, and he lifted his eyes up to look at her, giving her a small smile. "Don't worry, you're still my God given solace, Baby Girl."

"That means you have a girl back home that you're in love with! Don't try to deny it, Der, I know that look. That is the look of complete and total adoration. Spill. Who is she?" Penelope leaned forward, setting her elbows on Emily's legs so that she could rest her chin in her hands as she stared at him.

"I can't. We haven't decided where our relationship is going," he said quickly, trying to think of some way to get out of this conversation quickly. "Besides, I don't think that you'll like her much, anyway. I need to tell you things that I love about her, so that when I tell you who she is, you'll like her."

Penelope stared at him, and he could see her mind trying to work out who he was talking about. Glancing over at Emily, he saw that she had already figured it out, and was smirking at him. "Oh, I think that I am glad to be overseas for this little ride, Derek," she purred out, and he shrugged a little. "Though you two are always welcome over here, if you need to escape the heat."

He went to say something when his phone rang. Pulling it out, he saw her name pop up on the display, and he hurriedly answered it. "Hello?" he asked as he stood up and made his way over to the window, fitting his body in the frame as he stared out at the London skyline. "What's wrong, darlin'?"

"I had to call you as soon as I found out. I know who Emily's replacement is going to be. And I really need you to talk me down off the edge of this cliff. It's only nine in the morning here, and I want to find a liquor store and get drunk."

He could hear in her voice the thickness of tears, and he let out a soft sigh of resignation. Looking up at the two women still in the room, he frowned to see them leaning in, trying to glean any information they could from his conversation. Frowning deeply, he shooed them away, glaring at Emily, and she finally nodded, leading Penelope out and closing the door behind them. "Are you free now, Derek?"

"Yes. Now we can freely talk. What has you so unnerved that you would want to break your sobriety?"

"You know who I was before. I'm not proud of everything I did, back before I got sober. But this? This happened before I even had a problem. It's part of the reason I have my problem. And I don't know how to make amends."

Derek listened to her cry, trying to think of comforting words to say. "Amends are the hardest step, aren't they? I know that it took a lot of courage to come up to me, to thank me for humiliating you."

"You didn't humiliate me, I did that to myself. I've been doing that to myself for nigh on twelve years. And now, I'm going to be confronted with her face every day you're home and in the bullpen."

"Who are you talking about, Erin?"

"Alex Blake. You weren't here for the Amerithrax debacle. You weren't under such pressure to find a ghost, a cipher. I pushed my team too hard, too fast, and it was only right that someone make a mistake. I should have fallen on my own sword, but I found out that I was pregnant for the fourth time, and I knew that I had to do anything to protect my position, since I needed that stability."

He wracked his brain, trying to call up the pictures Erin had in her office. Every one there had three children in it, and his shoulders sank as he knew what she was going to tell him. "Erin, you don't have…"

"It was God's will that I lost that baby. He knew I didn't deserve to care for it, since I had been so willing to cut Alex's rope in order to secure my hold. The day I miscarried was the day I started drinking."

The first tears splashed against his hands, and he reached up to swipe his face clean. "God doesn't work like that, darlin'. We only think He does because it's the only way to explain away our guilt. You didn't deserve to lose that baby. And one day, you'll see them again."

"I know, I know. Derek, will you tell me that everything is going to be okay? It's going to be hard work, and I can't be this vulnerable around her, but I want to make amends. I want to move forward."

He took a deep breath as he stared at the lights of the city. "I cannot promise you that everything will be okay. I can just tell you that I will be home soon, and that I'm going to support you every single day. And that you can turn to me whenever the need arises. I wish that I could give you more than that, but God doesn't promise us anything more than moment by moment."

There was a long silence, and he strained to listen to the sound of her breathing, since he knew that would tell him exactly where her emotions were. Finally, she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before speaking once more. "And that's all I'm supposed to focus on, according to AA. I forget these things at times, Derek. I like to make plans for the future, and then have contingencies for those plans."

"No, not you," he teased, wanting to make her smile at least a little.

"I know, what a shock," she drolly replied before letting out a light laugh. The sound, while thin, was welcome to his ears, and he smiled before turning and relaxing against the window, no longer needing the cityscape to calm his heart. "Derek?"

"Yes, Erin?"

"When you come home, I want…I want to be in your arms. I miss you, more than I could ever have thought possible. Whatever this is between us, it has captured my senses, and I just miss you, even though I shouldn't."

"Sometimes, that happens. And I miss you, too, darlin'. I promise you, after I come home, I'm going home to you."

"I rather thought that I could go to your apartment. There's something comforting about being there."

The shy way she spoke told Derek that it had taken a lot for her to admit that, and a pleased grin spread across his lips as he planned to tease her a little more. "Well of course you do. You're surrounded by me when you're there. And there is no escaping me."

A groan of disgust slipped from her mouth, and he could picture her shaking her head at his words. "You wish, darlin'," she tartly replied. "I'll talk to you later. Thank you."

"You are most welcome, Erin. And we will talk soon."

"Good," she quickly replied before hanging up the phone and leaving him hanging.

Chuckling, he turned the phone off and slipped it back in his pocket before ambling over to the desk and sitting heavily. There was something about that woman, and he just knew that she was going to be the cause of all his frustrations and all his joys in the years to come. Still chuckling, he opened the case file once more and stared unseeing at the pages in front of him.

"Just like I though, mooning over a honey. I just never expected it to be her."

Derek looked up at Emily and shrugged. "I've helped her through some things, and I've found that I really appreciate her company."

"I just hope that you know what you're doing. Playing with her type of fire will leave you with burns."

"Ah, Emily, it will be the sweetest of burns," he replied, giving her a wink and watching her just shake her head. "You know, you'll have to come back to our side of the pond eventually."

Her eyes grew large, and he shrugged a little. "That might be years away."

"Maybe. We'll never know until it happens." She nodded, and Derek turned back to his work, still finding his concentration split between there and home.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been nice to get a red eye flight back to Quantico, even though Penelope had fallen asleep more quickly than he had, curling up against his body as she slept and dreamt the time away. It had taken him longer to drift off, as he found his mind wandering across the miles, trying to picture what Erin was up to in that moment.

"Derek?"

He looked up at the sound of his name and smiled at Penelope. She had just gotten back from her short trip up and down the plane, claiming that she had needed to stretch her legs, and he patted her seat. "Hey, Pretty Lady, what do you make of the people on our plane?"

"They are totally pedestrian. I cannot wait to be home and grilling Jayje about the new girl on our team."

Derek cleared his throat, thinking about Erin and her reaction to Alex. "She's not a girl, Penelope. I think she's Strauss's age."

His best friend shot him a look, and he mentally kicked himself. "And how would you know that?" she asked tartly, arching her eyebrow as she stared him down.

"I heard things. From people."

Penelope nodded slowly, clearly not believing him one iota. "Yeah, and when I dig out who your source is, I am not going to be happy that I was not in the loop. I am the one who finds out everything first, Derek. You cannot beat me in this."

He chuckled deeply as he shook his head and stood, stretching his muscles before making for the lavatory. He had almost given everything away to Penelope, and he knew that he would have to tread a little more carefully in the future, if he was going to keep his relationship with Erin under wraps.

After he had taken care of his needs, he made his way back to his seat and plopped down, looking over to see that Penelope had pulled out her knitting and was working on a scarf of some sort. "Who is that for?"

"I haven't decided yet. I really like this yarn, but it doesn't really go with anyone's coloring on the team. Maybe Strauss, but I highly doubt that she'd want a gift from me."

"You might be surprised, Baby Girl. Sometimes, all it takes is one act of kindness to change a person's heart." He smiled as he pulled out his headphones and placed them over his ears. "Now, I think that I'm going to nap until the plane lands. Wake me if anything important happens."

"Sounds good, Der." They nodded to each other and he pressed the play button on his iPod before reclining his seat a tiny bit, wanting to be considerate of the person behind him, and rubbing his head back and forth as he tried to make himself comfortable enough to sleep.

It must have worked, as the next thing he knew, the plane was starting to slow down, waking him up. Looking over at Penelope, he saw that she had put her knitting away and was smoothing down her skirt in anticipation of their arrival. "I really hope we do not have to head out on a case right away. I still feel exhausted."

"I hear you there. But knowing our luck, something hinky is going to go down and you'll be whisked away, and I'll be left behind to try and figure out just who this Alex Blake woman is."

"Seriously, do not do something that will upset the apple cart. We both know that she's not going to be Emily, and that it will be a hard transition. We can't go into this situation expecting it to be perfect."

Penelope nodded, even as she frowned. "I think that a part of me knows that, but I'm still going to be a little prickly. Because my heart is still tender."

"I think all of our hearts are tender," he responded quietly as he stowed his iPod and shoved the bag under his seat. A part of him was thinking about Erin, and how tender she had started becoming around him. "Hearts are fragile things."

"When did you become a philosopher, Derek?"

He shrugged and rubbed his stomach absently, feeling anxious about getting back to Erin and escaping to her office to give her a proper homecoming kiss. He could feel his lips begin to curve up in a smirk which he couldn't control, and he only hoped that Penelope wouldn't pry into the reason for his smile. He couldn't lie to her, not really, and so it was better if she didn't know what was going on in this case.

The plane landed without incident, and thanks to their credentials, they were whisked through customs in no time flat. It felt so good to be behind the wheel of his truck, and he sighed a little as he pulled out into traffic, making his way for the BAU. Surprisingly, it didn't take them long to make it in, and Penelope rushed on ahead of him to press the button on the elevator.

"Come on, Der!" she called out, waving him over. He nodded and loped over to her side, glancing around for Erin's car as he went. When he saw the cherry red Jaguar there, an easy smile crossed his lips and he stepped into the elevator, feeling his spirits lift along with the car. "So, what has you smiling now?" Penelope teased, gently nudging his side with her elbow.

"Just being home, among friends. It was nice to be in England, but there really is no place like home. And being with the people that you care for." He let his smile soften as he wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her a small hug as the doors opened.

Penelope bounded out and gave a small wave to JJ as she rushed over, frantically talking to her. Derek looked around for Erin, feeling a wave of contentment wash over him when their eyes met across the hall. A tiny smile flickered across her face before she looked down at her hands, and he wondered what was going on. The serious air around her told him that nothing good would be occurring, and he yearned to take her in his arms and hug her.

Erin gave a small shake of her head, and he knew then that they would indeed be headed out on a case. His shoulders slumped a little as he overheard Penelope put her foot in her mouth regarding Blake, and he shook his head, glad that he could be seen as reacting to that rather than seeing Erin. The woman occupying his brain used the distraction to slip into the bullpen and up to the conference room, and he groaned a little, knowing that if she was helping with the briefing, it was going to be a bad case.

They trooped up to the conference room, and even though he tried to pay attention to what Erin and Hotch were saying, he kept thinking and hoping that he would get a moment alone with Erin before they left for Texas. Their eyes met occasionally, and a few times, her façade slipped enough for her to smile at him, tiny glimpses of happiness in an otherwise serious experience.

The rest of the briefing sped by, though he could tell that Erin was seriously spooked by what was happening. When she released them to get ready and go, he tried to linger behind, but she shook her head, shooting a short look towards Blake, and he nodded before leaving the room, taking care to walk slowly in an effort to overhear the conversation between the two women, just in case things became heated.

Penelope, though, seemed to have other ideas, since she grabbed hold of his arm and guided him over to her office, pulling him inside before staring up into his face. "You need to get as much information about that Blake woman as you can before you come home. There's bad blood between her and Strauss, and things are still rough with Emily gone."

"I'll see what I can do, Baby Girl, I promise. You try and get closer to Strauss while we're gone. Perhaps between the two of us, we can get the answers we need." Penelope nodded eagerly, giving him a wide smile before pushing him out the door. He was in time to see Blake storm pass, and he just knew that that meant nothing good.

Erin moved past them, barely acknowledging him as she went, her back ramrod straight, her jaw clenched tightly, as if she was holding back tears. A very large part of him wanted to follow after her, but that would be too obvious. Instead, he ambled down to his desk and grabbed the go bag he always kept there before heading out into the hallway, catching Reid at the elevators.

"I need to ask Strauss a question before we leave. Would you make certain that Jayje waits for me this time?"

"Of course! She's going to want stories about Emily, anyway, so there's no way we can leave you behind." The younger man gave him a small nod, and Derek smiled as he strode down the hall to Strauss's office. Her assistant was sitting behind her desk, and he plastered a winning grin on his lips as he stopped in front of her desk.

"Can I help you, Agent Morgan?"

There was just a hint of sarcasm in her voice, which caused his grin to falter a little, and he gave a small nod. "Yes, I need to speak with Chief Strauss for a moment before we head out on this case. Has she returned yet?"

The woman looked about to give a snippy reply when Erin's door opened, and she looked out, giving him a tight smile before looking at her assistant. "It's okay, Holly, I knew Agent Morgan was stopping by. Shall we?"

He nodded and followed her into the office, closing the door behind them. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so, Derek. Thank you." Her smile turned sad as she looked down at the floor. "Alex wants nothing to do with me. I should have expected this, but it still hurts."

"It always hurts to be rejected, sweetheart. Penelope will be checking in on you while we're gone. She's going to try and get to the bottom of what's between you and Blake, but she means well. And if, at any point, you feel like you need to talk to someone, call me?"

"Of course. You're my support. I just wish that you didn't have to hit the ground running. Stay safe in Texas. Please." He nodded and stepped towards her, enclosing her in his arms, welcoming the way she snuggled in closer, resting her head on his chest as she took a few deep breaths. "I'm so glad you're home."

Rising up on her tiptoes, Erin pressed her lips to his cheek. Derek couldn't help but turn his face so that they were truly kissing, and she seemed to melt against him, her arms circling around his neck as the kiss lingered on. "I should probably go before someone starts asking questions."

"Of course," she murmured before pecking his lips once more. Stepping away, she gave him a tiny smile before shooing him away with her hand. "Go, before I ask you to stay." He nodded and slipped from the room, feeling like he should stay back and calm her further, but knowing that he had a job to do, and that Erin expected him to do his best, no matter how desperately he craved her.


End file.
